I'm back!...and Thanksgiving

I'm so excited to have finished my NaNo WriMo!  I came in at 50,003! 

So here's how it worked out:

I started off writing a historical inspirational fiction piece inspired partly by my grandmother's life.  I had high hopes for this novel, wrote an outline, spent time developing my hero and heroine and felt rather confident.  Then about 25,000 words into it, I knew that the story wouldn't work.  I can't exactly explain it, but I just knew this wasn't the story for me and the words completely stopped coming.  Then I remembered some words of wisdom, which were "If you were writing only for God, would this be the story you want to tell?"  Well, the answer was "no", even though I really wanted the story to work out.  So I stopped, prayed and started again.  Luckily, a story formed and I was able to complete my new NaNo WriMo in two weeks!  My next step is editing which is going to be a  huge process, but I'm looking forward to really digging my heels in and getting going.

So let's switch gears and talk about Thanksgiving.  This year, I'll be spending it with my father, his girlfriend and of course my husband and son.  Tomorrow is the big day and I'm a little nervous about baking the turkey.  I've done it a few years now, and it always comes out different.  Usually, it's done either way before or way after the fixings, but this year I bought instant stuffing, so at the very least, I can just add some water and the stuffing will be done whenever the turkey is ready.  (Hey, don't judge me on the instant stuffing :)  )

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'll go ahead and follow the tradition of mentioning things for which I am thankful.  I know it's a bit predictable, but I really am thankful for Jesus.  He saved us from darkness, carries our burdens, and loves us unconditionally.  Without him, there is no hope.  I'm also thankful for my husband, who is the most amazing man on the planet, and my son, who is Captain Awesome.  If I were to list more silly things for which I'm thankful, I'd say peanut butter fudge milkshakes and cheeseburgers.  Yup, I'm thankful for yummy food :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Taking a break for November

You've probably noticed that I've slowed down.  I haven't been blogging as regularly.  This is because I'm going to be participating in National Write a Book in a Month month starting November 1st.  I've been spending most of my time researching and getting prepared and once the month begins, I'll be spending most of my time writing. 

If you're interested in seeing what I'm up to, or anything related to my writings and publications, check out my other blog

1hundredthousandwords.blogspot.com

Until December! 

Church Shopping

It's been awhile since I've posted.  My family and I have been trying to decide what to do about our current church situation and I wanted to share the journey with you.

We moved to our current location a year ago after my husband's company shut down one branch and moved us to another.  At our old location, we had an amazing church.  Amazing.  It wasn't just that they had a contemporay service, which we really enjoy, but God gave the pastor wisdom and the ability to transfer that wisdom into captivating and inspiring sermons.  I actually took notes when he spoke, something I'd never been moved to do.  My husband and I would talk about the sermons for days, also something new for us.  And, perhaps the most surprising thing to us, we all wanted to go to church.  We looked forward to Sundays.

Now about a month or so after we found out that my husband's company would close that location, our Pastor stood up and said he'd be retiring.  My husband and I, as well as other congregation members, felt loss at his news.  Loss for knowing that his words would no longer be spoken on Sundays, but we also were filled with gladness and gratitude that we got to hear them.  For my husband and I, it was the final determinant in whether we'd move or stay.  You see, we'd been talking about perhaps trying to stay in the area and on our list of "pros for staying" was our Pastor.  That's how inspiring God made him.  But with him leaving and moving on, we knew it was time for us to do the same.

So here we are in our new location. 

We moved on a Saturday and Sunday morning we went to the only Lutheran church within a 20 mile radius of our home.  It's ELCA, which is a major plus, and everyone was welcoming and friendly, but we didn't feel a spark.  We didn't feel the stirring of the holy spirit within us.  Please don't get me wrong - it had nothing to do with the church or the people.  They are lovely and warm individuals, but we just weren't feeling connected.

Still, we continued to go because it's a Lutheran church and we are Lutherans.  But eventually we began church shopping.  This - for those who've experienced it - can be completely overwhelming and exhausting, especially when all we wanted was to sit and worship God.  Instead, every Sunday, we went to a new church, met new people, talked to new Pastors, Reverends, ect. ect.  Because there were no other Lutheran churches we explored other denominations such as Baptist and Methodist, and soon all the churches began to blur together until we finally threw our hands in the air and became members to the Lutheran church.

We went there for about a year, but only - on average - twice a month.  This would not do.  I knew what the holy spirit could do within us when we became a part of "our" church (  "our" meaning the church that fits us ).  We'd experienced it back in our old home and I wasn't going to settle for less.

So, this summer we started the exhausting process of church shopping again.  Again, we were overwhelmed, tired, and eventually threw our hands up, went back to our Lutheran church and figured that would be the end.

But when God wants you somewhere, He isn't going to throw his hands up and let you quit.

I again felt like something didn't fit and again told my husband that we needed to continue shopping.  Last Sunday, we went to a local Baptist church held in a school cafeteria.  Now, where we live, there are mega churches, beautiful stain glass window churches, old historic churches filled with rich history.....but this past Sunday we found ourselves walking into an elementary school and heading to the cafeteria which had about ten rows of chairs, a praise band and a stand where the Pastor (Reverend? - It's a Baptist church so I don't know which is accurate.  Please forgive the mistake!) would preach.  We were greeted by friendly folks - like we had been in each of the churches we experienced - and given a gift bag.  The band started to play and I started to feel relaxed, comfortable.  The Pastor ( Reverend ?  Ok, I'll learn the right word for it ) began to preach. 

Now at this point, I grew concerned.  Not only do we live in an area of mega churches, but we live in an environment of conservative points-of-views, those that we don't necessarily agree with.  This church is Baptist, and Baptists have a reputation for...well....conservative ideals.

The sermon was about love.  Pure love.  Love that Christ gave, love that Christ wants us to give to others.  He read parts of the Bible and cautioned us not to take the words out of context, to read the whole scripture, not to pick something out and think that's the whole story.  (I've blogged about this exact thing.)  He talked about using Christ's love in our lives, not to just accept him and revere him.  Not just to be in awe.  Not just to say "I love Christ" but to show it with out actions.

And that's when I felt it.  The familiar warmth and stirring of the Holy Spirit.  It felt like home.

My husband felt it too.  Thank God! 

We'll be going back next Sunday when the congregation will be fuller.  Last Sunday, all the young families were away since it was Fall Break, so we'll see if we still feel the connection, but I'm praying that our journey is over and that we've found our church family.

It isn't a Lutheran church and yes that does worry me a bit, not because I think people have to be Lutheran.  I don't think there is a "right" denomination.  What worries me is the stereotype that the Baptist church has and how it clashes with our views on certain subjects that the ELCA church is much more open minded about.  But I realize I'm not being fair.  I'm putting all Baptists churches and therefore all Baptists into this bubble.  Not fair.  So I'm praying for my own open-mindedness as we continue to attend this church.  I'm also praying that the details (how they do communion, how my son will eventually do communion, ect.) won't serve as a stumbling block if this is where God wants us.

So what's the point in this long post? 

1.  If God wants you somewhere, keep searching until you find that place.  This could be a certain church, or maybe a certain job, or a certain city, but if you feel unrest about your current situation, pray and ask for guidance.

2.  The journey is worth it.  Keep at it, no matter how exhausting it becomes. 

3.  You really do need to find a church, not because going to church gets you into heaven (it doesn't - only by accepting Christ's sacrifice are you absolved from sin and therefore able to enter and enjoy the perfection of Heaven), but because you really need a community to nourish your soul, help you grow and learn about your faith.

4.  There are TONS of awesome churches and awesome people.  If you've ever said something like, "Look at that person.  They're suppose to be a Christian and they just cut off that car in traffic.  See?  I told you religion is ridiculous.  There's no point in even going to church, everyone is a hypocrite,"  get your butt into a church.  Seriously.  You'll see that - yes, no one is perfect and even us Christians cut people off in traffic - there are people trying, really trying to show their love of Christ through there words and actions.  They're are people, Christians, who really will try their hardest to make you feel welcome.  In all the churches we went to - and we went to A LOT - the people always did what they could to make us feel like we truly belong, so stop the excuses and get into a church.

Another good song...

I love this one:

Review of the Pope's Latest Comments

Wow.  Just Wow.

Have you read this?



http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/20/world/europe/pope-bluntly-faults-churchs-focus-on-gays-and-abortion.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

As someone who was baptised and confirmed in the Catholic church, someone who was forced to sit through all of the CCD classes from childhood to my teenage years, I never thought a Pope would say the things stated in this article.

The Catholic church sometimes has a rather conservative hardcore reputation.  You may think of nuns slapping their student's hands with rulers, or Catholic children reciting their prayers over and over in order to pass their confirmation classes.  Then there is the more notorious side of the Catholic church with priest scandals, declarations against homosexuality and abortion.  You may have heard the statistics that the Catholic church is steadily losing members.  Maybe you associate it with an institution and not a church at all.

Then the current Pope comes out with this amazing article in the New York Times, addressing why he hasn't made comments about homosexuality and abortion.  From the article:

Francis told the interviewer, a fellow Jesuit: “It is not necessary to talk about these issues all the time. The dogmatic and moral teachings of the church are not all equivalent. The church’s pastoral ministry cannot be obsessed with the transmission of a disjointed multitude of doctrines to be imposed insistently.

“I see the church as a field hospital after battle,” Francis said. “It is useless to ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and about the level of his blood sugars. You have to heal his wounds. Then we can talk about everything else.”

It wasn't a new doctrine.  He wasn't saying that Catholics should change their views on these sorts of issues.  Instead, he made an amazing statement about love, hope and expanding the church from a few to many.

“A person once asked me, in a provocative manner, if I approved of homosexuality,” he told Father Spadaro. “I replied with another question: ‘Tell me: when God looks at a gay person, does he endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person?’ We must always consider the person.” 

Wow.  Seriously.  For me, this is an amazing message of hope, a step in the right direction of preaching and teaching love above anything else.  And notice how he speaks.  He isn't condemning, or even changing the vision of the Catholic church.  He's reaching out to the hurt in a way that is kind and respectful.

This is what I've talked about in the past, especially when I wrote my blog on homosexuality.  We can disagree about issues, but it's how you present your arguments that causes conversation or shouting.  I believe the Pope started a conversation, one far over due in the Catholic church. 

Where were you?

Twelve years ago, I was 17 years old and a freshman at college.  The day started as any other.  I was getting ready to head to classes when a hallmate rushed past my door and said that a plane just flew into one of the World Trade Center Towers.

I had no reaction whatsoever.  I don't know why but as she passed I just stood there unsure if she were even telling the truth.  The idea that a plane flew into a building just didn't seem possible.  Another hallmate passed a few seconds later telling me to turn on the television because the tower just collapsed.  That's when it became real.  I quickly turned on the television and closed my dorm room door, leaving me alone to watch the events unfold. 

The next bit of time is somewhat of a blur for me.  I remember seeing the imagine of the second tower, black and grey smoke rising high into the sky, then all of a sudden it crashed to the ground.  I remember watching footage of the plane going into the towers, seeing names of the passengers as well as their ages scrolling across the bottom of the screen.  I remember one passenger was a six year old girl.  I remember finally opening my door and catching a friend as she walked down the hall to tell her the news. 

The University issued an email that said classes for the day would go on unless canceled by the professors.  I had two classes that day and neither were canceled, which I thought was stupid and ridiculous.  I certainly didn't want to go, but went because I was a freshman and that's what you did at college.  You go to class.

It didn't help that I was an engineering student.  One of my professors wanted to talk about the structure of the Trade centers and how the engineering designs failed under the stress of the fire.  The other had a niece in the Trade Center.  She couldn't get a hold of her niece and spent the first five minutes of class crying, then wiped her eyes, and continued with the syllabus as if it were a normal day.

I suppose everyone deals with these types of things differently.

The next memory I have is of watching the President addressing the nation.  I sat on my bed, legs crossed, journal in hand, taking notes.  I felt sick to my stomach watching the President talk because I knew we were going to war.  I prayed - I wasn't talking to God much in those days - that somehow we could avoid war, but knew it wouldn't happen.  I cried because I had friends in the military and knew they'd be deployed - they were and thankfully also returned home.

I don't remember asking why God could let this happen, although I would in the months to follow.  I just remember begging God to heal as many as quickly as possible.

I don't remember many things else from that day.  I tucked it away, unable to process everything. 

Where were you twelve years ago?  What do you remember?

Turning Blessings into Burdens

I heard an amazing speaker (of course I don't remember her name) who gave an amazing lecture she entitled Turning Blessings into Burdens.  Yup, that's the right title.  She wasn't going talk about how we can turn our burdens into blessings.  She wanted to talk to women in particular about how often we turn the beautiful things in life into huge burdens.

Here's a summary of her speech.  As women, we sometimes have the ability to take a gift from God and turn it into the a huge burden.  She used the example of her new home.  She and her family were being uprooted to a new town and they prayed to be able to find a home that fit there needs.  Sure enough, they found the perfect home, one that had everything they needed and wanted.  As she stood in the kitchen one day, organizing her pots and pans into the new cabinets, she started running down a list of things she'd need to do.  Then she started to complain, "We'll have to get curtains for the windows.  *sigh*  That's going to cost a fortune.  And there's so much space in the living room we'll have to buy new furniture.   Plus the house is so big it's going to take me forever to clean."

Then she stopped herself and realized that she had turned this amazing house into a burden, rather than a wonderful gift from God.

Take a second and think about a time you've done this.  Go ahead.  I'll wait :)  The speaker focused on women because she said we have a tendency to do it more than men, and let's be honest ladies, we really do.

Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed I ask myself if what I'm stressing about is really a burden or a blessing.  It's a good way to put things into perspective.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

I forced myself not to fidget as I waited my turn to present my college senior thesis project.  As a biomedical engineering student, I was required to do a capstone and thesis project.  Believe it or not, I was actually looking forward to this.  While I worked in a tissue engineering lab and could have done my thesis based on my scientific research, I decided to spread my wings and actually build something.  So I signed up to rebuild a braille typewriter for a student in North Carolina who had lost the ability to use one of his hands.  The typewriter needed to be reconfigured to allow easy usage for his needs. 

For many of my peers, this would have been a cake walk, but for me it was a major challenge and one I accepted.  Research was my forte, not mechanics but I felt drawn to the project.  I truly didn't want to leave the University without actually building something tangible.

After months of stress testing and prototypes, I came up with my first real design.  It was time to present our "round one" thesis projects, or "rough drafts", or "first attempts", and I was extremely nervous.  Many people in my graduating class were ahead of me in skill level.  They were building specialized medical instruments that had never been created.  And everyone else worked in a team of three.  I was by myself.

The people who presented in front of me had a prototype of an ear thermometer.  I don't really remember what they modified, but I do remember that all they did was add something to a pre-existing ear thermometer.  I relaxed a bit.  Afterall, all I was really doing was adding something to a pre-existing braille typewriter.  We were practically doing the same sort of thing and they got a great response from our professor.

When I got up to present, I was shaking.  I felt intimidated by my peers and my professor, an ultra feminist who held the girls to a high standard.  She also happened to be my faculty adviser.  I talked a bit about Dominik, the student I was making the typewriter for, showed everyone my prototype then sat down thinking I'd done a decent job.  My voice was a bit shaky, and I only lightly brushed on my previous stress tests.  It was the prototype I was most proud of, and it's what I showed off the most.

About a week later I got my grade and review.  It was the most discouraging, seething, mean, demeaning critique I've ever gotten about anything in my life.  It brought me to tears.  Basically, it said that I was slow and stupid because I should have been done with the project in a month and that my peers are far superior to me and my presentation was terrible. 

I looked at the review of those who presented before me, the ones with the ear instrument that basically did the same sort of thing I was doing, and they got an A grade and a raving review.

Where had I gone wrong?

That's when I learned a valuable lesson.  It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

The guys before me showed graphs, had visual aids, talked with extreme confidence.  They owned their project and even though they were no more advanced or further along in their research then me, they got an amazing review.

This lesson has stuck with me throughout my adulthood.  Even now, as I write this post, I wonder if I'm presenting it well.  When I published my book, A Light in the Darkness, I wondered if I conveyed the message of love in a compelling fashion without turning people off to God.

Sometimes, the way religious people present themselves or their message turns people off.  Have you ever seen someone standing on the side of the street with a sign that says, "The end is near.  Repent!"  If you saw it, would that entice you to turn to God or would you just say, "Look at that crazy person", and go about your day.

The church is notorious for presenting themselves poorly.  When religious leaders go on social media or television and use a word like "abomination" when speaking of a specific group of people, this turns people off.  When someone who looks different, or acts different, than the "typical" christian enters the church and people stare and whisper instead of smiling and introducing themselves, this turns people off.  When church going people protest loudly, violently, using hateful language, this turns people off.

It's how you say it that is turning people off.  And it needs to change.

The foundation of the church is Christ.  The foundation of Christ is love.

LOVE.

This means welcoming ALL, talking to ALL, helping ALL.  It means being able to speak about your differences with respect for the other person's point-of-view.  It means listening with compassion and sympathy.  It means admitting that you're wrong, or confused, or simply uncertain. 

Let's go back to Kirk Cameron's interview with Pierce Morgan.  I didn't see it when it aired but have since watched it on youtube.  Cameron got a lot of heat for his comments about homosexuals being "unnatural."  I don't agree with Cameron, but I respected the way he spoke.  He didn't talk about fire and brimstone.  He didn't raise his voice or become a religious crazy person.  He answered the questions based on his beliefs.  Simple.  Respectable.  A lot of people, including myself, don't agree with his ideas on the subject but I have to say that I respected the way he said his message.

People aren't always going to agree on religion but BOTH SIDES need to be more respectful when listening to each other.

I wonder if we, as church goers, universally changed our approach we'd be able to help more people come to Christ.  If we changed the way we spoke, the way we delivered our message, would more people be willing to listen?

I believe so. 

Mid Week Music

Well, it's Wednesday.  Half way through the week.  Last week we started homeschooling our son and it went extremely well, but I'm already starting to feel worn out.  I can't believe that teachers do this everyday, all year, for twenty + kids!  They seriously need a raise. 

So for this Wednesday, I share a song that's been stuck in my head.  Hope it brightens your day!

Startling but Understandable Statistics

In an article published in The Lutheran entitled, "Conversations with Atheists, Tell me about the God you don't believe in" by Lisa E. Dahill, a startling but understandable statistic was revealed.  One-third of adults under the age of 30 note their religious preference as "none."  They are either atheists, agnostics, uninterested or hostile toward organized religion.  Dahill, who is an assistant professor at Trinity Lutheran Seminary and a guest professor at Ohio State University, noted that many of her students who fall in this category have good reason.  When asked to talk about the God they don't believe in, Dahill often finds herself agreeing with their assessments.  So how do we have conversations about God to those who fall into the "none" category?  Dahill says with understanding, humility and genuine respect.

I've had conversations with my father about religion.  As far as I can remember, he's been an atheists or agnostic, wanting concrete proof of God's existence.  That's not surprising.  A lot of people, Christians included, seek proof.  I know others who fall into the "none" category who don't believe in God because of horrible experiences from their past.  The question "why did this happen to me?" fuels their disbelief in a loving God.  I get that.  Also, others refuse to believe that a loving God could send people to hell.  This is a contradiction they can't accept.  Totally understandable.  Some just think religion is ridiculous.  Some think that believing a man in the sky controls their destiny is childish.  I know someone who thinks that by believing in God, we're putting our hope to much in the afterlife instead of living our lives for the present, thus not living our best lives here and now.  I know a couple that doesn't take their child to church because they don't go and they don't want to be hypocrites.  Some people just fundamentally don't believe that Jesus was the Messiah.  They don't believe in the resurrection.

I could go on but the question remains, how do we talk to those in the "none" category?  Like Dahill, I agree that approaching religious beliefs of any kind should be done with respect and humility.  It's difficult sometimes to do so, especially since it's such a passionate subject, but no one wants to be preached to and no one wants religion "shoved down their throat".

A good first step is simply to establish a definition of God.  In the book Crazy Live by Francis Chan, he spends a whole chapter dedicated to answering this question.  Now, this is a book probably read by more Christians than non-believers, yet he still dedicates a full chapter to simply defining God.  Why?  Because a lot of people, including myself, have at some point gotten it wrong.  I recommend this book to help get your started understanding who is God.  In short, God is the creator of the universe, everywhere present, and our loving father.

Next, it's important to hear both sides of the argument.  If someone has a reason they don't believe in God, that means they've given it a decent amount of thought.  People don't usually just wake up one day and decide there is no God.  There is usually a catalyst.  The final straw in turning my back against God occurred in high school when an acquaintance - a freshman who sat next to me in a few classes - was murdered walking to a neighborhood grocery store.  Instead of turning to God with my pain and confusion, I turned away.  Many people have stories like this, many have worse.  Listen to them, patiently and with respect.

Be honest.  I remember one religious conversation with my father when at one point, he looked at me and smiled smugly saying, "You always have an answer, don't you?"  Ouch!  I realized at that point I wasn't doing a good job because the truth is, I don't have all the answers when it comes to faith.  I'm often confused when it comes to the mystery of God, and it would be better if I just come right out and said it.  In fact, it was through one of my dear friend's candor at her own lack of knowledge that I finally felt comfortable enough to ask questions about God and get back on the religious track.

Set an example, but know you won't be perfect.  No one is perfect.  Christians aren't perfect but often we are held to higher standards.  And you know what?  We should be.  We're setting examples by our words and actions.  While we'll never be 100% perfect role models, we can at least make a daily effort.  I was recently hanging out with someone whose been a Christian for about five years now, and she kept saying "Oh my God!" over and over when she got excited about something.  Little things like that don't go unnoticed and can be easily modified.

I could go on and on about this subject but I'll just add one more.  Perseverance.  If you're lucky enough to be talking with a non-christian and have them want to dedicate their lives to Jesus at that moment, that's a miraculous and wonderful thing.  But for many, these things take time.  Just letting someone know you're there in case they ever have questions can go a long way.  Answering a question, defining a biblical term, offering prayer are all little ways to keep the conversation alive.

Ultimately, I believe this topic is far too important not to discuss.  We're talking about our souls, the essence of our beings, the spark within us that no one on the outside world can touch.  We're talking about eternity, one that is either filled with Jesus or not. 

Teaching the Ten Commandents to Kids

Ok, so I wanted to teach my son the ten commandments in a way he'd actually understand and remember.  We found this online...

To the tune of Jingle Bells
No other gods, no ideals
don't misuse God's name
keep the sabath holy, that's God's special day
Honor your mother and father
don't murder, lust, or steal
no false tales, no envy, this is God's great deal.

 Ok, so you have to stretch it a bit to make it fit the jingle bell song, and I'm not sure how Moses would take the news that the commandments are being sung to a Christmas song, but I have to say....it worked.  My son remembers this song months and months after we taught it to him.  But even more importantly, it's a good intro to actually teaching what the ten commandments are all about.

Why do you or don't you?

Why do you or don't you believe in God?

"I don't believe in God because a loving God wouldn't allow bad things to happen."

"I do believe in God because after years of being told I'd never be a parent, I gave birth to our first baby."

"I really don't know.  Sometimes things will happen in my life and I'll think it's God, but then I just wonder if it's only a coincidence."

In all my decades on this Earth, I have never once heard someone answer that question with:
"Just because."

Usually, people have some kind of answer.  They've given it some sort of consideration, whether it be an in depth look into their spiritual life or a simple passing thought.  Usually, the people who don't believe in God have a pretty good answer to the question, one that most believes can sympathize with. 

So here's my challenge to you.  Answer the question (either here on the blog or just to yourself) and consider why you do or don't believe in God.  Then try to see it from the other side.  I think it's important to give the other side some consideration because their thoughts and ideas deserve respect and validity.  Maybe that's why so many nonChristians feel so left out when they finally step into church.  Maybe they just think no one will understand their reasons for staying away for so long.  Or maybe as a believer, you never really gave it much thought as to why someone wouldn't follow your own spiritual ideas. 

Just something to think about.

A Happy Wednesday Song!

I woke up this morning with a horrible migraine and a "to-do" list a mile long.  Boo!!  But this song is running through my head.  Yay!!

Natalie Grant sings Hurricane

Here's what I really want to say...

I've been nervous to express my thoughts on a certain subject, but I feel like it's important.

I'm an ELCA Lutheran Church member.  For those who don't know about the ELCA, it stands for Evangelical Lutheran Church of America and recently we sent a bit of a ripple throughout the Lutheran community.

The ELCA elected their first homosexual bishop:
http://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/faith-and-morals/item/15637-nations-largest-lutheran-denomination-elects-first-homosexual-bishop

Now having a religious blog probably gives off the impression that I would be opposed to this.  Religion tends to be labeled "right winged conservative".  That's the impression in the media.  No wiggle room.  However, I support the ELCA's decision.  In fact, I'm proud of it.

Here's what I really want to say.  I support the movement toward equal rights for the LGBT community.  I support marriage equality.  And I have a hard time swallowing that being gay is a sin.

I've been reading the Bible on this issue.  This disheartens me:

"For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural, and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in their own persons the due penalty for their error" (Rom. 1:26–27).

I wish the Bible had more kind things to say about homosexuality simply so modern conservatives wouldn't use the Bible so vehemently to condemn the act.  I'm not suggesting that all religious follows do so.  In fact, I know many people of faith who also support LGBT, but like me, are too nervous to step forward.

Let me explain.  If homosexuality is a sin, than it is no more or less a sin than gluttony.  I am fat.  I'm 30 pounds overweight.  I've also been known to binge eat from time to time.  I'm a glutton.  Am I going to hell?  I certainly hope not, but even more than that, I believe in the promise that Christ died for our sins.  He died to wash me clean from my gluttony.  In that case, wouldn't a homosexual also be without sin (if homosexuality is a sin)?  And we all have sins.  So aren't we all guilty of something?  Didn't Jesus die for all of us?

Also, Jesus wanted us to love one another, the way he loved us.  It's so saddening to hear hateful language coming from a religious leader.  That's not the purpose of the church and it makes everyone of faith look bad.

What if we stopped pointing fingers?  What if we stopped trying to scream the sins of another directly to their faces?  Is that really helping anyways?  I know that when I was younger, and people called me names for being fat, it hurt and only made me resentful, angry and depressed.  What gives anyone the right to make another person feel that way?

I know this is a touchy subject. I just wanted to let everyone know my opinion.  I felt that by sitting in the back of the pew, not speaking up, I wasn't being true to the opinions God gave me.  I hope you'll consider my point-of-view, and as always, I welcome respectful debate. 

The young NJ : Apathetic Christian - Atheist

I wanted to share some of the old me.  I feel like it's important for non believers to see that not everyone starts out as a a Christian.

Before September, 2001, I considered myself some sort of apathetic Christian.  I believed in God, but only as a genie who granted wishes to those in his favor.  As a result, I believed that praying in God led to great things and Christians were some how raised above society, destined to live lives of comfort and ease.  I didn't go to church but I prayed at night, speaking to God much like I would a friend, and usually asking for good grades.

If someone handed me a calendar, I wouldn't have been able to point to Easter.  I had no idea what month it was in.  I also - and this is embarrassing to admit - believed that Christmas was December 24th.  And the resurrection of Christ?  I had no idea that he actually rose from the dead.  In my mind, it was a metaphor. 

I thought I'd go to heaven when I died. 

Now, at the time, I was in high school and my lunch table consisted of a devout Mormon, a boy converting to Mormonism to be with the devout Mormon (they are now married with 3 kids), a born again Christian, a life long Christian and several atheists.  We had many discussions about God, and one day, the life long Christian told me, flat out, that I wasn't going to heaven. 

Talk about a slap in the face.

I was both hurt and insulted.  Hurt that she thought I wasn't going to heaven and insulted that she hadn't made an effort to save me.  But it got me thinking about the afterlife and after tons of lunch room talks, somehow, I ended up leaning toward the aesthetic side. I hadn't officially picked a side, just started leaning toward them.

Then in September, 2001, an acquaintance - a freshman boy who LOVED Jesus - was murdered in the neighborhood next to ours.  It was a completely senseless killing.  I went to his memorial and so many people stood and talked about his love of Jesus, but I didn't get it.  Why had Jesus done this to a young boy who loved him?

That's when I gave up on God.  Afterall, if believing in God got you killed, I wanted nothing to do with him.

So began my atheist life.  Thankfully, God didn't give up on me, even though I began criticizing his followers. In college, I recognized the whole in my life came from turning my back on him and I started the long journey to become a Christian.

But let me go back.

A friend of mine said that he didn't understand why people turn away from God in times of crisis.  It's in those times, he said, that people should turn to God.

I didn't understand that.  For me, it had been the very opposite.  But I didn't have faith then.  I didn't want to invest in a relationship, to put in the work on my end to get to know Christ.  So I blamed him, then turned my back.

If you're at this point, or you've been here, know that God hasn't turned his back on you.  But it's up to you to make the move and start the conversation.  Ask God why.  Ask God to help you deal with the grief.  Tell God you're angry, sad, disappointed.  Tell him you don't believe.  Ask if he's real.

Are you worth it? - Weight Loss Edition

Losing weight is annoying.  It's time consuming, frustration and never ending.  At least, for me.  And I'm tired of hearing people say "eat less, exercise more" or "if you really want it, you would just do it".  Not helpful.  The truth is, weight loss is a lot more complicated then simply reducing calories.  For many, myself including, eating is comforting, fun, relaxing, entertaining, social, emotional....you get the point.  Food makes everything better, right before it makes you feel a thousand times worse.

Feel this way?  You are SO not alone.

First thing first....STOP beating yourself up!!  Seriously.  STOP!  Unless you're part cyborg program for perfection, you're going to have weight loss set backs.  Say it out loud.  "I'm going to have set backs."  Say it louder!  "I'M GOING TO HAVE SET BACKS!"  Now accept it.  Really let it soak in.  It's ok.  Relax.  Set backs don't mean that you won't get there.  When you feel the ugly guilt / depression / anger rise in your gut, REFUSE to let it consume you!

While discussing my own weight loss journey with someone recently, she asked "Are you worth it?"  Am I worth losing the weight?  She must have seen the doubt on my face because immediately, before I could even answer, she asked, "Is your son worth it?".

Here's a truth - Most of the time, I don't think I'm worth it.  I don't mean to be Debbie Downer, but that's just the reality of my situation.  How about you?  Answer honestly.  Do you think your worth losing weight?

Now, I'm going to get religious on you....please stick with me :)

God knows that you're worth it.  Ok, ok...I'm sure you've heard this 100 times already and it's probably not doing a whole lot for you.  So let me put it this way.  Our lives are mist in the the grand scheme of things.  Think about it.  The universe is ENORMOUS, our Earth is FILLED with people and has been around for MILLIONS of years!  We live for...oh, let's be optimistic and say 90 years....really, in the grand scheme, that's mist, here and then gone. (The mist reference is in the Bible, I don't know where, but you can google if you're curious).

BUT...God still took the time to create you.  He took the time to give you your freckles, your courage, your wrinkles, your hope.  He created ever small beautiful detail that makes you, you.  Now, why in the world would he do that?

Because you're worth it.  Because you have a purpose.  Because he couldn't imagine a universe - as large and vast as it is - without YOU.

Now, let that soak in.  Really.  He is your Father.  A perfect, loving Father.  And he wants you to succeed.  He wants you feel worth it.  He's cheering for you.



Through him, anything is possible.

Pray with me:
Father, help me to see myself through your eyes.  Help me overcome self doubt.  Help me feel your encouragement when I need it the most.  Please give me the desire to live a healthy life style and please give me the courage to lean on you, always.  Amen.

What if God says NO?

People have told me that God always answers your prayers.  I took this to believe that he always answers in a positive way. 

"Why yes, I'll make sure you get that amazing job."  or "You need a little extra cash this month?  I'll make that happen."

I thought that being a Christian meant that God would always see to your success and prosperity.  When I think about this, I actually realize how incorrect this notion is, especially since so many people in the Bible suffered for their belief in Christ.

Bottom line : God does answer prayers.  It's just not always a "yes".

We, as Christians, are not exempt from suffering.  We aren't exempt from a bad economy, or job lay offs, or tantrums thrown by our children.  We're not going to always have a plush life but there are plenty of examples of suffering in the Bible that can give us hope in our dark moments.

Job is a good one.  I'm currently reading his story (it's a tough read so I'm going very slowly).  Want an even better one?  How about Christ?  Son of God nailed to a wooden cross.  I'd call that suffering.

God doesn't leave us in our dark moments.  He's a sympathetic, loving God who has a plan that we, as humans living in our little bubbles of life, can't possibly understand.  But he can use anything for his glory.  Anything.

Martin Luther talks a lot of about suffering and says that faith is strengthened through weakness.  Think about it this way : When we are at our low points, we have nothing, sometimes literally.  When we are empty, God will fill us up.  When we are "full" - we have a nice house, great family, perfect job - we tend to get too busy to allow God into our lives.  Maybe we get a little vain.  Maybe we get to busy for church, or Bible study. 

Pain is an opportunity for humility.  Paul describes this when he literally had a piece of wood stuck in his side and asked God to remove it.  God said that all Paul needs is Him and that His power is made perfect through suffering.  Paul needed God.  He needed his comfort when he hurt, so God was able to work through him. 

Does this make any sense?  It's confusing, I know.  But it's like we're all vessels and when we're empty God has plenty of room to fill us up.  When our vessel is full of other things, there isn't a ton of room for God. 

I hope I haven't made this topic more confusing. 

Here's a song that helps put it into words:

What do you think about God saying no?  Feel free to comment!

My first self published book.

I love to write...clearly.  I just finished my first novel entitled A Light in the Darkness.  It's a Christian Suspense Romance novel about coming to Christ in the face of tragic events.  Here's a taste:

"Her throat started to close. She could barely register the information before a sense of dread coursed through her body, one that she long ago bottled away. She pushed the emotion out of her mind and forced herself to breathe...in...out...in...out"

 Lily Stover always protects her younger brother from harm, except for now. After receiving a phone call informing Lily that her brother suffered from a viscous attack, Lily travels to the Byron Ranch, the crime scene, intent on revenge. Brett Byron, owner of Byron Ranch, insists on teaming up with Lily and investigating together. Reluctantly, Lily agrees but can she trust this stranger? Can Brett break down Lily's emotional walls that she's spent years guarding? Will they be able to find the attacker before he or she strikes again?

If you're interested in checking it out, or buying my book, please just click on the "Buy Now" icon to the right!  I hope you enjoy the story!

Prayer for Mid-West

Please join me in praying for all those effected by the tornadoes.

If you are new to prayer, you may not know exactly how to begin.  When I first started prayer, I wasn't sure if I should pray to Jesus or God.  Then I wasn't sure what to ask for since I figured I should ask for significant things.  But what is classified as significant?

As you read this, don't worry too much about the details, not yet, not if you're new to all this.

Just join me, please, in praying for those who have suffered due to the tornadoes.

Lord God, Please provide help, comfort and support - both physical and spiritual - to all those in the mid-west. Amen.

What's so great about Paul?

The apostle Paul is a huge presence in the New Testament.  He also happens to be one of my favorite people in the Bible, besides Jesus of course.  Here's why:

Paul wasn't always an apostle.  He wasn't always a Christian.  In fact, Paul wasn't even named Paul at birth.  Originally, his hebrew names was Saul and he was a zealous opponent of Christianity.  He tried to destroy the church of Jesus.  However, on his way to Damascus he encountered Jesus.  Saul heard a voice saying "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?" and a bright light shined down on Saul and his companions.

Saul was blinded by the light for three days.  Jesus told a disciple named Ananis to go to Saul and when the disciple laid his hands on Saul, something like scales fell from his eyes and he could see again.  He converted to Christianity, was renamed Paul, and went all over preaching and spreading the Word.

You can read the story in Acts 22:6-16.

I know it's hard to believe.  I know that the idea that "something scale like" fell from his eyes seemed far fetched.  But this is Jesus we're talking about.  Walking on water, raising the dead....Jesus.  He can do anything.  And for Paul, he literally gave him sight.

The reason I like Paul's conversion story so much is that it gives hope.  It gives hope that no one is out of God's reach.  It gives hope that anyone, no matter how strongly they fight against God, can be softened and come to love Jesus.

I connect with Paul because I once didn't believe.  I once judged.  I once taunted.  Then Jesus softened my heart. 

He can do anything.  

The Book of Romans : Work vs. Faith part 2

I'll probably write a lot about this topic because it's so confusing!  At least, for me.

Yesterday night, I sat down ready to read a bit of Corinthians before going to bed, but I found myself in the book of Romans reading, once again, about the ongoing debate of works versus faith.

Let's go to the source:
Romans 2: 6-8
For he will repay according to one's deeds: to those who by patiently doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; while for those who are self-seeking, and who obey not the truth but wickedness, there will be wrath and fury."

Ok, first of all I'm a big fan of context.  Reading the bits of scripture without context is, in my opinion, a dangerous thing.  So let me take a brief moment and set the picture.  Romans was written by Paul, an apostle of God who I'll write about soon, to the Romans.  The 2nd chapter warns against judging others especially when you are carrying the sin on your own shoulders.  God will judge you for judging others.  It also talks a bit about those who hear God's law, but don't follow it and those who have never heard God's word but whose heart's naturally follow the law.  It's pretty interesting stuff.  I highly recommend it.

So back to the work vs. faith.  When I read this chapter, I asked my husband what he thinks.  He was born into the Lutheran church, attended church on a semi-regular basis as a kid, and has always been a Christian (unlike myself).  He said that there are tons of websites that argue both ways and agreed that it's a bit confusing.  We talked for some time about the issue and here is where we ended our talk:

- faith without works simply doesn't work, as I blogged earlier
- if we could "work" our way into heaven, then there would have been no point in Jesus' death.  The whole reason he had to die was so our sins would be forgiven and so we could have a relationship with God
-works are important, and maybe we will have some sort of judgement for them....we can't really know for sure

Again, I don't have all the answers.  I often get confused, but I hold tight to the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross.  And coming from a Lutheran point of view, I know that nothing I can do is worthy enough to get into heaven.  Doing good has to come from a love of Christ, wanting to show him love, and wanting to spread his love forever.

Oy, my head hurts.  :)

Please let me know what you think!

Works vs. Faith

I was confirmed in the catholic church.  Now, let me start by saying I don't know a lot of Catholic theology.  I'll just be writing from my point of view that I developed through my confirmation classes which, let's face it, was many many years ago.

It seemed to me in the Catholic faith that you were suppose to follow certain rules and guidelines in order to please God.  (If you're Catholic, and I'm way off base, please let me know!)  It seemed to me that what you do in this life determined your place in the afterlife.

I'm a Lutheran now and they have a different approach.  They believe that there is nothing you can do to earn a place in Heaven.  It is by the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus that we are able to spend eternity with God.  In other words, it's our faith.

So when I was embarking on my religious journey ten years ago, I greatly struggled between these two concepts.  Which is it?  What gets you into heaven?  Is it your works on this Earth or is it your faith?

Here is what I believe.  I know that anyone who believes in Jesus with their whole hearts is forgiven for their sins and you can not enter heaven with sins.  God is perfect.  He hates sin.  Therefore, if you don't accept Jesus then you haven't accepted that your sins are forgiven therefore you must pay the price for all your wrong doings rather than accepting that they have already been paid.

I don't know about you, but that concept took me a decade to understand.  It didn't really seem fair that I wouldn't be punished for the things I did wrong, plus does that mean that all the people in the world who do great things are doomed simply because they don't believe in Jesus?  That also didn't seem fair.

I'm getting slightly off track.  Let me quote from the source:

James 2:14-17

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but do not have works?  Can faith save you?  If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill," and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that?  So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.

James is making it clear that if you truly love Jesus, you won't just pray.  You'll go out and live the word.  Faith and works go together, but not because doing good things get you into heaven.  It's because our love for Jesus makes us want to help others.

Think of someone in your own life you love.  Maybe it's a spouse, or parent, or friend.  What do you do to show that person your love?  What do you do that shows other people you love that spouse, parent or friend?

It's the same sort of idea.  I love Jesus and I want to do things for him and show others my love for him.

So what about the people in the world who don't believe in Jesus but do great works?  If someone finds the cure for all cancer, but isn't a Christian, will they go to hell?  I really don't know.  But I do believe that sin needs to be erased before going to heaven and I know that Jesus' sacrifice erases sin.  It's a gift that needs to be accepted.  I also know that God is merciful.

I will say this...without giving God glory, we tend to take the glory ourselves.  So let's say I give a donation to a charity and they reward me and give me praise.  Without the understanding and love of God, I will take that praise for myself which will feed my ego.  However, if I know that all things come through God, then I know that the praise belongs to God and not to me.  That creates humility.

I don't have all the answers.  I'm still working through a lot of things, but I wanted to share my beliefs on this topic.  Please feel free to leave your respectful comments on the issue!

How to Live as a Christian : Three Easy Steps to Get You Going

If you've ever lost weight, I'm sure you've stumbled across articles telling you to start slow then work your way up to a more strenuous diet and exercise program.  It may say to take the steps once a day instead of an escalator.  Maybe it tells you to cut down on soda.  When you start exercising, it may say to start with only 10 minutes of activity until you're ready to add another five minutes and then another five minutes and then another.

The point is that when you're faced with a long journey, no matter what type of journey it is, it's sometimes a  good idea to start small.

This is the approach I took when I wanted to start living a more Christian life.  Now before I go on, I want to make something perfectly clear.  There is nothing you can do to get into heaven.  The only way is to accept Jesus as your savior and acknowledged that he died so that your sins are forgiven.  This is a HUGE concept and one that I struggled with for a good ten years so please know that if you don't readily accept it, that's ok.  We'll talk more about it in later blogs.  In my experience, even before I understood this concept, I still wanted to "walk to walk" of Christianity.  So if you're interested in getting started and showing actions that model a Christian lifestyle, here are three simple ones to get you going.

1.  Stop using the Lord's name in vain.  This is a commandment and it's a really simple change to make in your life.  Just take a second and think before you shout God's name at the driver who cut you off in traffic, or yell out the name of Jesus Christ when you stub your toe on the sofa.  (I used to do these things.)  Once you stop using the Lord's name in vain, you'll probably start to feel a little bit more respectful towards God and his Holy name.

2. Rest on Sundays.  Again, this is a commandment but my family has noticed what a gift it is to have an entire day off.  Also, it makes us work harder during the week since laundry, vacuuming, school work and preparation, ect., ect,. all has to be done by Saturday night.  So decide what you consider work, then take a break!  It's a gift!  Enjoy it!

3.  Occasionally, listen to some Christian music.  Ok, so this was tough for me.  I love driving because I love cranking my music loud and singing along.  Let's face it.  Music evokes a certain feeling within you and I really didn't want to mess with it.  Besides, I didn't know any of the words to any Christian songs, and I love singing along.  Oh, and all Christian music is just hymns right?  Nope.  Here is what I suggest.  Just start small.  Tune into a Christian station every now and then and start paying attention to the artists.  Find some you like and listen to them more.

Now you certainly don't  have to listen to Christian music to be a Christian.  But listening to that type of music evokes a deep spiritual awakening.  I know it sounds cheesy, but give it a try.  Here are some songs to get you started. The Skillet song is Christian rock:

Chris Tomlin is contemporary Christian:

Natalie Grant is contempory Christian but this song is more rock:

There's a lot out there and there's something for everyone so have some fun looking around!

So like I said, there is nothing you can do to get into heaven.  That's a gift from Jesus that we'll go into more at another time.  In the meantime, you can still get started on your path!  I hope these three steps are a good starting point!  I know they helped me in the beginning.

Do I need to go to church?

Ok....it's Sunday morning in our home.  My son has already woken up my husband demanding breakfast but because they are awesome they let me sleep.  Unfortunately, the alarm clock goes off at 8am.  I didn't get much sleep the night before, I'm grumpy and all I want to do is shut off the alarm and get back under the covers.

But it's Sunday.  Church day. 

I feel guilty that I'm not more excited.  I mean, this is the day the Lord gave us to rest and worship.  It's a gift and yet I'm already coming up with excuses to try and get out of attending.  I think about how boring it is or how long it could go....but then I tell myself to get up because at least I get to wear my new dress and go out for lunch afterwards.

So is it wrong that on this particular Sunday the only thing motivating me to go to church is the promise of Chipotle after?  Well, maybe.  But then again...getting to church is the most important thing, right?  There have been times when I went to church dragging my feet and actually really enjoyed the sermon.  So what does it matter if I need an extra motivation to get into the building?

Come to think of it....do I really need to go at all?  Can't I worship on my own?  I read my Bible...well, sometimes...and I try to lead a pretty good life.  Oh, and I pray everynight no matter what, so isn't that good enough?  Why sit in a building with a bunch of hypocrites who show up Sunday morning then immediantly leave the building and sin?

These were my old thoughts.  Perhaps you've had a few.  But as I've gotten older and continued to learn more about religion and faith, I've come to firmly believe in the church and it's importance.

So yes, you do really need to go to church.

Let me put it another way....let's say you're taking a class on astrophysics.  Hearing the subject title alone makes you cringe.  You think it's going to be boring or too hard, but you decide it's worth the effort to learn so you get a text book and start researching online.  You take it slow and learn a good about.  You may even gain some confidence.  Now imagine that you do all of this but also take a class.  You're sitting in a room with other students who are also interested in astrophysics.  Some know a lot and are willing to help you out, others are futher behind than you and are asking questions you didn't even consider.  The teacher is skilled because he's been teaching it for years and can give you tons of examples and help.

So which one do you think would help you learn astrophysics the most?  Doing it on your own or doing it in a class?

Ok, so maybe you're still saying that doing it alone is the way to go.  Maybe you've had bad church experiences...I get that.  As a child attending Christmas mass, our Priest fell asleep while someone was doing the readings.  Not very inspiring.  But here's the thing....not all churches are like that.  Not all church leaders are like that.  If a bad experience is keeping you from going to church, I highly recommend doing some church shopping.  You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

I do think that going to church and spending time with a community led by an expert is more advantageous than doing it alone.  When I became a Christian, I didn't go to church.  I was afraid of being judged, plus I simply didn't know the prayers or even the routine.  When do I sit?  What songs do we sing?  How does communion work?

If this is the reason you don't go to church, here is what I recommend and have done in the past.  Call the church ahead of time and ask for information.  When we moved to a new state, I called several churches and simply asked all sorts of questions, some as simple as "what is the dress code".  Since it was over the phone, it added a bit of anonymity and I wasn't embarrassed. 

Still, you may have a sour taste in your mouth because you think the people who go to church are hypocrites.  I've thought that too and frankly, some are.  Some go just to show up.  But to be fair, there have been times I've gone out of habit and spent the time daydreaming.  Hey...we aren't perfect beings.  Sometimes we get board.  But there are people who go to church on a regular basis not because they feel like they have to but because they really want to.  Yes, there are times I go to church out of obligation but a lot of times I really want to spend some time learning about God from the Pastor.  I really want to feel God's presence in a way I can't by myself at home.  I really want  be a part of that community.

So what is your reason for not attending?  Fell free to comment. 

I would urge you to try to find a church and start going consistently.  Give it a try.  You may find that the rewards are greater than your reasons for not attending.

Top 5 : Why I Love God

Here is the top five reasons I love God:

1.  He doesn't hold a grudge.  Seriously, I'm talking complete and total forgiveness of sin without ever bringing it up at a later time.  That's pretty awesome.

2.  He created me, my husband, my son and the whole world.  I'm pretty pumped about being created and I owe it all to Him.  Plus, I'm majorly in love with my husband and son...again, it's because of Him they are in my life.

3.  His love is boundless.  Ever love someone conditionally?  Well, He loves unconditionally all the time.  Again, pretty awesome.

4.  He's perfect.  Everything He makes and does is for a reason because He's perfect.  That means His plan is perfect too.

5.  He's with me always, even when I don't think He is....even when I don't want Him around....even when....

Ok, so I want you all to know that I take writing a blog about God seriously, even if my tone is conversational.  In fact, I've had this blog for quite some time, wrote consistently, then deleted all the posts and started over because I wasn't sure if what I wrote was good enough to convey anything about God.  I didn't want to turn people off to God because of something I wrote.

But I feel the topic of God is too important to go without discussion.   I hope you'll leave your comments (please keep them respectful or I'll delete them) so we can get to know one another!  Oh, and let me know what you're top five reasons for loving God...or just your number one!

So for a really quick intro on me...I'm a mom, wife and aspiring writer.  I was born into a family with an atheist Dad and catholic mother, who made sure I was baptized and confirmed in the catholic church.  We went to church, on average, twice a year and by high school I labeled myself agnostic.  Then a change started in me that took about ten years to fully develop into a deep love of Christ.  I'm a Lutheran now, as is my husband and son.

I'm not perfect.  I have ideals that fall outside the realm of a traditional Christian while others lie strictly with the Bible's teachings.  I'm not out to offend anyone.  I've been a nonbeliever or passive believer in God more of my life than I've been a Christian so I understand how frustrating it is to have religion shooved down ones throat.  I'm not out to do that.  I'm just here to share what I've learned, work through some doubt and questions, study some scripture and continuing on my path.